Silly youtube video “A Day at the Terrorists Training Camp”, where all excercises and lessons are demonstated one time and one time only!
Archive for November, 2007
George Bush, George W. Bush and family have been favorites for political cartoonists for years, for good reason. I would imagine that the craziness, misinformation and the public views surrounding the Iraq war have given late-night comedians and political cartoonists more than enough daily material to poke fun at.
So here we go with a set of political jokes, quotes and cartoons. The star here… you may have guessed this… George W. Bush.
“We’re coming up to the third anniversary of the invasion of Iraq. I’m not sure how Bush is going to mark the occasion. I think we can rule out landing on an aircraft carrier and declaring mission accomplished.” —Jay Leno
“President Bush now is apparently giving an Arab country control to American ports. Does that seem like a good idea? He’s going to give control of American ports to an Arab country. If he keeps this up, people are going to start questioning his judgment.” —David Letterman
“President Bush is denying that he’s planning an air strike on Iran. So, you know what that means? He’s planning an air strike on Iran.” —David Letterman
“President Bush met with the president of China at the White House. The arrival ceremony was interrupted by a protester who started yelling, ‘Stop the persecution, stop the torture!’ President Bush had to ask, ‘Which one of us are you talking to?'” —Jay Leno
“Saturday is April Fool’s Day and President Bush … has a great April Fool’s joke planned. He’s going to put out that old ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner.” –David Letterman
“Bush said today canceling [the ports deal] sends a bad message to the Arab world. You know, not like invading their countries, putting them on leashes, making them masturbate, but bad.” —Bill Maher
“President Bush said it’s time for the people of Iraq to put together a functioning government. He said ‘it’s time to shut her down and get governin’.’ Other presidents quote Lincoln and Roosevelt. Bush is the only one to quote Larry the Cable Guy.” —Jay Leno
Ok, so check out this little game, Its the Bush shoot ’em up. You too can now be George Bush as he shoots up his office and the world!
so I can’t embed it here so check the Bush Shoot out at Just Sick shit – Jokes
Here are a few more of some of the educated remarks from our Commander in Chief. We all know George Bush is not the best speaker and blunders almost every time, but these are kinda funny
- The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.
- If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.
- One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is to be prepared.
- I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.
- The future will be better tomorrow.
- We’re going to have the best educated American people in the world.
- I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made.
- We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe We are a part of Europe.
- Public speaking is very easy.
- A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
- We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.
- For NASA, space is still a high priority.
- Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.
- It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.
- It’s time for the human race to enter the solar system.
“Hello, dear. I’m talking to the members of the N.R.A. right now. Would you like to say hello? I love you, and I’ll give you a call as soon as I’m finished, O.K.? O.K., have a safe trip. Bye-bye. Talk to you later, dear. I love you.” –answering a cell phone call from his wife during the middle of a speech to the NRA
“I was there working with them. I was exposed to exactly the same things they were exposed to. So in that sense, I’m one of them.” –on being exposed to the same health risks as workers at ground zero after the 9/11 attacks
“We don’t all agree on everything. I don’t agree with myself on everything.”
“Freedom is about authority. Freedom is about the willingness of every single human being to cede to lawful authority a great deal of discretion about what you do.”
“Oh, you dirty boy! Donald, I thought you were a gentleman.” –while dressed in drag, after having his “breasts” fondled by Donald Trump (Watch video clip)
“F**k you! I know more about this than anyone else in the room.” –to Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX), during a testy exchange about immigration legislation
“There are neighborhoods in Baghdad where you and I could walk through those neighborhoods today.” –prior to visiting a Baghdad market while being flanked by 22 soldiers, 10 armored Humvees, and two Apache attack helicopters
“You know that old Beach Boys song, Bomb Iran? Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran.” (Watch video clip)
“I had something picked out for you, too – a little IED (improvised explosive device) to put on your desk.” –to Jon Stewart
“I think I’d just commit suicide.” –on the prospects of the Democrats taking back the Senate in the 2006 elections
“Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno.”
“You sit down with your attorneys and tell you what you have to do, but obviously the president of the United States has to do what’s in the best interest of the United States against a potential threat.” –on whether he would consult Congress about invading Iran
“My sons are all adults and they’ve made decisions about their careers and they’ve chosen not to serve in the military and active duty and I respect their decision in that regard. One of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation is helping me get elected because they think I’d be a great president.”
“PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air.” –on strapping his dog to the top of the car
“Well, the question is kind of a non sequitur, if you will. And what I mean by that — or a null set.” –after being asked during a Republican debate whether is was a mistake to invade Iraq
“I purchased a gun when I was a young man. I’ve been a hunter pretty much all my life.” (Romney’s campaign later said he’d been hunting twice, once when he was 15, and once in 2006 at a Republican fundraiser
“I’m not a big-game hunter. I’ve made that very clear. I’ve always been a rodent and rabbit hunter. Small varmints, if you will.”
“I’m happy to learn that after I speak you’re going to hear from Ann Coulter. That’s a good thing. I think it’s important to get the views of moderates.” –right before Coulter called John Edwards a “faggot”
“Hugo Chavez has tried to steal an inspiring phrase ‘Patria o muerte, venceremos.’ It does not belong to him. It belongs to a free Cuba.” –invoking a phrase that translates to “Fatherland or death, we shall overcome,” which Fidel Castro has used to close his speeches for years, and which is associated with Cuban oppression
“I’m afraid that the Soviet Union and China are not ever going to do anything that’s going to hurt them that badly but we need to ratchet those up if at all possible.” –on how he would deal with Russia
“Gosh, no one has told me that there’s any major reserves in the Everglades, but maybe that’s one of the things I need to learn while I’m down here” –after being asked his position on oil drilling in the Florida Everglades
“In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died — an entire town destroyed.” –on a Kansas tornado that killed 12 people
“I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that’s a storybook, man.” –on Barack Obama
“I got tested for AIDS. I know Barack got tested for AIDS. There’s no shame in being tested for AIDS. It’s an important thing.”
“You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. … I’m not joking.”
“I’m pretty sure there will be duck-hunting in heaven and I can’t wait!”
“If a person dresses provocatively, they’re calling attention — maybe not the most desirable kind — to private parts of their body.” –after being asked whether he’s against miniskirts
~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman