Archive for funny

George Bush Shoot em Up game

Posted in games, George Bush with tags , , , on November 21, 2007 by M

Ok, so check out this little game, Its the Bush shoot ’em up. You too can now be George Bush as he shoots up his office and the world!

so I can’t embed it here so check the Bush Shoot out at Just Sick shit – Jokes

Those crazy politicians, what will they say next?

Posted in Election 2008 with tags , , on November 13, 2007 by M

Rudy Giuliani:

“Hello, dear. I’m talking to the members of the N.R.A. right now. Would you like to say hello? I love you, and I’ll give you a call as soon as I’m finished, O.K.? O.K., have a safe trip. Bye-bye. Talk to you later, dear. I love you.” –answering a cell phone call from his wife during the middle of a speech to the NRA


“I’m probably one of the four or five best known Americans in the world.” –while visiting Britain

“I was there working with them. I was exposed to exactly the same things they were exposed to. So in that sense, I’m one of them.” –on being exposed to the same health risks as workers at ground zero after the 9/11 attacks

“We don’t all agree on everything. I don’t agree with myself on everything.”

“Freedom is about authority. Freedom is about the willingness of every single human being to cede to lawful authority a great deal of discretion about what you do.”

“Oh, you dirty boy! Donald, I thought you were a gentleman.” –while dressed in drag, after having his “breasts” fondled by Donald Trump (Watch video clip)

John McCain:

“F**k you! I know more about this than anyone else in the room.” –to Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX), during a testy exchange about immigration legislation

“There are neighborhoods in Baghdad where you and I could walk through those neighborhoods today.” –prior to visiting a Baghdad market while being flanked by 22 soldiers, 10 armored Humvees, and two Apache attack helicopters

“You know that old Beach Boys song, Bomb Iran? Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran.” (Watch video clip)

“I had something picked out for you, too – a little IED (improvised explosive device) to put on your desk.” –to Jon Stewart

“I think I’d just commit suicide.” –on the prospects of the Democrats taking back the Senate in the 2006 elections

“Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno.”

Mitt Romney:

“You sit down with your attorneys and tell you what you have to do, but obviously the president of the United States has to do what’s in the best interest of the United States against a potential threat.” –on whether he would consult Congress about invading Iran

“My sons are all adults and they’ve made decisions about their careers and they’ve chosen not to serve in the military and active duty and I respect their decision in that regard. One of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation is helping me get elected because they think I’d be a great president.”

“PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air.” –on strapping his dog to the top of the car

“Well, the question is kind of a non sequitur, if you will. And what I mean by that — or a null set.” –after being asked during a Republican debate whether is was a mistake to invade Iraq

“I purchased a gun when I was a young man. I’ve been a hunter pretty much all my life.” (Romney’s campaign later said he’d been hunting twice, once when he was 15, and once in 2006 at a Republican fundraiser

“I’m not a big-game hunter. I’ve made that very clear. I’ve always been a rodent and rabbit hunter. Small varmints, if you will.”

“I’m happy to learn that after I speak you’re going to hear from Ann Coulter. That’s a good thing. I think it’s important to get the views of moderates.” –right before Coulter called John Edwards a “faggot”

“Hugo Chavez has tried to steal an inspiring phrase ‘Patria o muerte, venceremos.’ It does not belong to him. It belongs to a free Cuba.” –invoking a phrase that translates to “Fatherland or death, we shall overcome,” which Fidel Castro has used to close his speeches for years, and which is associated with Cuban oppression

Fred Thompson

“I’m afraid that the Soviet Union and China are not ever going to do anything that’s going to hurt them that badly but we need to ratchet those up if at all possible.” –on how he would deal with Russia

“Gosh, no one has told me that there’s any major reserves in the Everglades, but maybe that’s one of the things I need to learn while I’m down here” –after being asked his position on oil drilling in the Florida Everglades

Barack Obama:

“In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died — an entire town destroyed.” –on a Kansas tornado that killed 12 people

Joe Biden:

“I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that’s a storybook, man.” –on Barack Obama

“I got tested for AIDS. I know Barack got tested for AIDS. There’s no shame in being tested for AIDS. It’s an important thing.”

“You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. … I’m not joking.”

Mike Huckabee:

“I’m pretty sure there will be duck-hunting in heaven and I can’t wait!”

“If a person dresses provocatively, they’re calling attention — maybe not the most desirable kind — to private parts of their body.” –after being asked whether he’s against miniskirts

~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman

Bush declares war on what? Zombies!

Posted in George Bush with tags , , , , on November 12, 2007 by M

This is a video, a joke, of President Bush in an interview of why he declared war on Zombies

You Know You’re a Republican/Democrat If…

Posted in Democrats, Election 2008, Republicans with tags , , , on November 11, 2007 by M

You know you’re a Republican if you can’t stand your gay uncle, but you invite him to your son’s wedding because he’s rich.
You know you’re a Democrat if you can’t stand your rich uncle, but you invite him to your daughter’s graduation because he’s gay.

You Know You're a Republican/Democrat If You know you’re a Republican if you support George Bush’s plan to put a man on Mars.
You know you’re a Democrat if you want that man to be George Bush.

You know you’re a Republican if you think Colin Powell might make a good President, if he weren’t black.
You know you’re a Democrat if you think Colin Powell might make a good President, if he weren’t conservative.

You know you’re a Republican if you think every Democrat is a closet Communist.
You know you’re a Democrat if you think every Republican is closeted.

You know you’re a Republican if you wouldn’t mind if the Commonwealth of Massachusetts seceded from the Union.
You know you’re a Democrat if you wish the Republic of Texas had never become a state.

You Know you’re a Republican if you start off on third base and think you’ve hit a triple.
You Know you’re a Democrat if you hit a single but believe you deserve a triple because the other team got one.

You Know you’re a Republican if you believe the U.S. Constitution clearly supports strip mining.
You Know you’re a Democrat if you believe the U.S. Constitution clearly supports strippers.

You Know you’re a Republican if you can’t fathom that Abraham Lincoln was actually a Republican.
You Know you’re a Democrat if you can’t fathom that Abraham Lincoln was actually a Republican.

Give it 20 more years in the electronic information age

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on November 11, 2007 by M

Ordering a Pizza from Big Brother

Operator: “Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your…”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order.”

Operator: “May I have your NIDN first, sir?”

Customer: “My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it’s 6102049998-45-54610.”

Operator: “Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number’s 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number’s 266-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?”

Customer: “Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”

Operator: “We’re wired into the system, sir.”

Customer: (Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas…”

Operator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”

Customer: “Whaddya mean?”

Operator: “Sir, your medical records indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”

Customer: “Damn. What do you recommend, then?”

Operator: “You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it”

Customer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”

Operator: “Well, you checked out ‘Gourmet Soybean Recipes’ from your local library last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”

Customer: “All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What’s the damage?”

Operator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The ‘damage,’ as you put it, heh, heh, comes $49.99.”

Customer: “Lemme give you my credit card number.”

Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash Your credit card balance is over its limit.”

Customer: “I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.”

Operator: “That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account’s overdrawn”

Customer: “Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?”

Operator: “We’re running a little behind, sir. It’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick ’em up while you’re out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”

Customer: “How the hell do you know I’m riding a bike?”

Operator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo’ed. But your Harley’s paid up, so I just assumed that you’d be using it.”

Customer: “@#%/$@&?#!”

Operator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop.”

Customer: (Speechless)

Operator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”

Customer: “No, nothing. oh, yeah, don’t forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas.”

Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.”

Boeing shows its other products

Posted in terrorists with tags , , on November 5, 2007 by M

boeing writes a letter

Thats what I call fashion

Posted in taliban, terrorists with tags , , , on November 5, 2007 by M

Adapting to new traditions and a small push from western culture towards better fashion and freedom towards woman, the new fashion magazine is born.

cosmotaliban magazine political cartoon and jokes