Archive for political humor

George Bush on “We’re going to have the best educated American people in the world”

Posted in George Bush, Republicans with tags , , , , , , on November 18, 2007 by M

Here are a few more of some of the educated remarks from our Commander in Chief. We all know George Bush is not the best speaker and blunders almost every time, but these are kinda funny

  • The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.
  • If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.
  • One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is to be prepared.
  • I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.
  • The future will be better tomorrow.
  • We’re going to have the best educated American people in the world.
  • I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made.
  • We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe We are a part of Europe.
  • Public speaking is very easy.
  • A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
  • We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.
  • For NASA, space is still a high priority.
  • Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.
  • It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.
  • It’s time for the human race to enter the solar system.
Advertisements

Give it 20 more years in the electronic information age

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on November 11, 2007 by M

Ordering a Pizza from Big Brother

Operator: “Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your…”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order.”

Operator: “May I have your NIDN first, sir?”

Customer: “My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it’s 6102049998-45-54610.”

Operator: “Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number’s 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number’s 266-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?”

Customer: “Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”

Operator: “We’re wired into the system, sir.”

Customer: (Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas…”

Operator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”

Customer: “Whaddya mean?”

Operator: “Sir, your medical records indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”

Customer: “Damn. What do you recommend, then?”

Operator: “You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it”

Customer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”

Operator: “Well, you checked out ‘Gourmet Soybean Recipes’ from your local library last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”

Customer: “All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What’s the damage?”

Operator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The ‘damage,’ as you put it, heh, heh, comes $49.99.”

Customer: “Lemme give you my credit card number.”

Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash Your credit card balance is over its limit.”

Customer: “I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.”

Operator: “That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account’s overdrawn”

Customer: “Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?”

Operator: “We’re running a little behind, sir. It’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick ’em up while you’re out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”

Customer: “How the hell do you know I’m riding a bike?”

Operator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo’ed. But your Harley’s paid up, so I just assumed that you’d be using it.”

Customer: “@#%/$@&?#!”

Operator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop.”

Customer: (Speechless)

Operator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”

Customer: “No, nothing. oh, yeah, don’t forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas.”

Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.”